Can't always plan

If there is one thing you should know about me, it’s that I try and prepare and plan for everything. Sometimes I am not sure if it’s because I love to do it or because I feel like I have to. I cause myself so much anxiety about always being ready, scheduled and everything going smoothly when it turns out sometimes you just cannot plan and life throws you curve balls when you least expect it. Two years in a row I have planned an extremely successful polo match. I stress out a lot beforehand and worry about numbers adding up, weather, my outfit, costs etc. but both years it turned out flawlessly.

It was the evening of this year’s polo match that a very large curve ball was thrown at not just me but my whole family. The day was over and we all ended up at a local bar to continue the evening when Danny came and grabbed me swiftly out of the bar and said “get in the car”. I had no idea what was going on and to be honest I was a little bit tipsy from a day of drinking on a party bus and polo matches. He then told me something had happened with my dad but we were not really sure and had no idea what was in store for us.

As we pulled up to my house we saw the ambulances, my mom and neighbors standing around. The only thing I knew was that my mom found my dad lying on the ground in the bathroom. We did not know what was going on and it wasn’t til about twelve hours later and many tests that the doctors found out my dad had broken his neck. We sat in the hospital waiting for hours, not knowing if we would ever see him again or what was going to happen. My dad suffers from vasovagal and had gotten sick, the vasovagal caused him to pass out and he fell just enough to break his neck.

During 9 hours of surgery the doctors worked on replacing one of the bones in his neck and dealing with his spinal cord injury which I have learned basically controls everything including breathing, walking, hand movement etc. Our only goal from this surgery at the time was that my dad would be able to breathe again on his own. He had a breathing tube in for 9 days and now we are at day 84. After weeks at Boston Medical Center my dad was brought to rehab, we chose as a family that he would go to the VA Hospital in West Roxbury. A lot of people have asked why there, why not Spaulding. My dad is a disabled veteran but that is not the only reason we chose for him to go there. The VA Hospital in West Roxbury has a whole unit dedicated to Spinal Cord Injuries and we felt this was the best place for him and months after we all still agree. What they have done is amazing and just last week they had my dad stand up for the first time.

This was the most unplanned thing that has happened in my life and so many thoughts have run through my mind during these 84 days. It has also challenged me with not being able to plan everything, especially the holidays. This Christmas will not be the same but we will all spend it together and that is whats most important. One of my most selfish thoughts has been “will my dad ever walk me down the aisle?” when its time. And I can say now that I believe he will (I repeat WHEN IT’S TIME). Some days I still think of asking my dad to run an errand or two for me and then remember he is still at the hospital relearning how to do those things we take for granted. It has not been easy watching my dad relearn how to do things we all do easily like scratching his head, swallowing, feeding himself and walking. With time I believe he will get most of his movement back and what he does not we will adjust and find a way around it. I am so grateful and thankful for the people that have helped him, prayed for him and stood by us during this tough time and I know that a broken neck will never break the three best friends.

With Love,

Ashley